


Empty

by Aiyaar



Category: The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Depression, Eating Disorders, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Nico-centric, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, The Tower of Nero (Trials of Apollo) Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:55:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27959534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aiyaar/pseuds/Aiyaar
Summary: Nico never thought it was a problem. He never really care. But then Will appeared and took a place in his life. Will helped him fight.
Relationships: Nico di Angelo & Will Solace, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	Empty

He doesn't remember exactly when it started. Probably after Bianca's death. He didn't do that in purpose. It just made him feel better.

  
It went little by little. First he started eat less then usual. Then he reduced it to one meal per day. Then one meal in two days. Then in week.

  
Do you know that feeling, when you hate yourself so much, that you're starting to want yourself punished. Hurt. That's how he felt. He felt broken, abnormal. Oddly, not eating made him feel better. 

  
He got used to it. He never really thought much about it. He only ate when he felt like he can't last longer. It was fine.

  
It got worse after Tartarus and that jar. If before he at least ate once a week, now he started thinking that he doesn't need to eat anymore. He can always just have some pomegranate seeds. So he doesn't need food.

  
When he was on a quest with Reyna and Hedge, he understood that it is essential for everyone for him to be strong. So he ate and didn't think much of it. But he didn't do it because he wanted to. He haven't wanted to eat for years. 

  
Then Will happened. Suddenly, it started to be ok. He was almost healthy. Will was a true salvation to him. He started to feel like a normal person. He was fine.

  
And then everything fell down. Jason died. The first person who accepted him for who he is, the first person he considered a friend, almost a brother just passed away. It was a shock. This death broke him. It triggered. He started to hear voices.

He felt like he's losing his sanity. And **it** came back.

  
He started to avoid dining pavilion. He suddenly started to hate the thought of eating with Apollo cabin. He started to be rude, nervous. He kept pushing Will away.

  
Looking back he thinks, that Will was the reason why he still didn't end this all long time ago. He wanted to. He had those thoughts. But Will made him stay in this world. He was on the edge. But Will never gave up on him.

  
He remembers how he didn't want to go out of cabin for days and Will just stayed with him for hours. They never talked but they didn't need to. Will always understood.

  
One of his worst memories will always be that day. He told Will that he feels fine and wants to have lunch. He truly believed that it'll be ok. But when he finished, he suddenly felt disgusted. It was almost like a panic attack. He didn't say anything to Will and went straight to toilets. He have never done this before but in the moment it was the best solution. It was his first bulimia attack.

  
Of course Will knew what was happening. He did it almost everyday. It made him feel better and more light-headed. He thought he could stop if he wants.  
Will often brought him some fruits to his cabin. It pissed him off. He made them wither on purpose. 

  
Then Apollo came back. He could distract himself again. But this time it wasn't like before. During the battle at the tower of Nero he fainted twice. He felt so weak, he couldn't lift his sword. Only ambrosia helped.

  
After that he continued, nevertheless. But one day made him try to fight with it.

  
They were on a date in New York. Will really wanted to go to this new movie. The movie was good but he felt really weak. Went they exited the cinema, Will was talking about something. He couldn't hear him. Suddenly the world went black.

  
When he woke up, the first thing he saw was Will's eyes. He saw tears. He saw fear and pain in the most loved face. At this moment he understood. He doesn't hurt only himself. He hurts **him**. He wants Will to be happy. So he'll fight with it. And he will win.

  
Looking back, he thinks it's ironic. His love was the thing that gave him this disorder. Years ago, his love destroyed him from the inside. Now he understands, that without love he would've never won this disease. Truly, **he** was his salvation. **He** still is his salvation. And always will be.


End file.
